Short Version (for all the hard workers out there)
Michael isn't going to leave Paradise with Lisa like he wanted, so he gives up on love and leaves Paradise altogether. Lisa and Luke end up leaving together too as they can make this work on the outside because holidaying is such a Millenial thing to do (sad news seen on Luke’s IG story this morning that he and Lisa aren’t together because he stuffed it up). Elora takes Apollo out on a date and answers all his questions perfectly. A new Canadian named Tom (self-given nickname of Hercules) arrives in Paradise only to be rejected by Megan and 2 other women for a date. So Jarrod, Apollo and Sam take him on a date and get all slippery in a milk bath. Best #Broment in Paradise so far. Hercules doesn't get a rose and leaves.
PS. I'm just going to leave this here...
Michael isn't going to leave Paradise with Lisa like he wanted, so he gives up on love and leaves Paradise altogether. Lisa and Luke end up leaving together too as they can make this work on the outside because holidaying is such a Millenial thing to do (sad news seen on Luke’s IG story this morning that he and Lisa aren’t together because he stuffed it up). Elora takes Apollo out on a date and answers all his questions perfectly. A new Canadian named Tom (self-given nickname of Hercules) arrives in Paradise only to be rejected by Megan and 2 other women for a date. So Jarrod, Apollo and Sam take him on a date and get all slippery in a milk bath. Best #Broment in Paradise so far. Hercules doesn't get a rose and leaves.
PS. I'm just going to leave this here...
Bless the clever person who made this #50ShadesOfJarred
Long Version
Michael has gotten very tired of playing the one man edition of limbo. He asks Lisa if he stands a chance with her. Sadly she says no. So he decides to leave because he feels like everyone's Good Luck Chuck. Before you know it he's gone. At least we got some closure, unlike Laurina. I'm still upset about that. Lisa then gets the idea to leave Paradise too, but with Luke. She believes they can continue on the outside as she'd rather be doing chores and getting on with life than holiday in Paradise. But he doesn't want to leave. So they end the relationship and she leaves. Is Luke leaving too or is he letting her go? Oh damn, he left too. If people are going to leave, can you please make it clear!
Apollo and Sammy share a broment in a hammock together while Elora casually works out directly in Apollo's line of sight.
Michael has gotten very tired of playing the one man edition of limbo. He asks Lisa if he stands a chance with her. Sadly she says no. So he decides to leave because he feels like everyone's Good Luck Chuck. Before you know it he's gone. At least we got some closure, unlike Laurina. I'm still upset about that. Lisa then gets the idea to leave Paradise too, but with Luke. She believes they can continue on the outside as she'd rather be doing chores and getting on with life than holiday in Paradise. But he doesn't want to leave. So they end the relationship and she leaves. Is Luke leaving too or is he letting her go? Oh damn, he left too. If people are going to leave, can you please make it clear!
Apollo and Sammy share a broment in a hammock together while Elora casually works out directly in Apollo's line of sight.
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Meanwhile, the girls (minus Simone) talk strategy about tonight's rose ceremony and then discuss how Simone can't handle listening to anyone so her auto response is to storm off in a huff. As the girls try to figure out what's going on, another man arrives in Paradise. But this man isn't just a man... He too is a demigod and goes by the name of Hercules (aka Tom). He's from Canada. I love it how Tara greets him and hilariously says how they got rid of the last Canadian and they'll all be hoping that he's better than the last one.
Pls give me a chance! I'm nothing like Daniel... #Hercules
I don't quite understand what's going on with Jake and Megan, until Hercules walks in. He goes for a chat with Megan and I now understand who she's supposed to be with. They both don't like using hairbrushes either. Don't worry, neither does Sam, and we still love him. The sparks are flying between Hercules and Megan. No wonder Jake is freaking out, which Jarrod is just loving at the moment.
We cross over to the beach cam to find Sam and Luke strolling along holding each other's hand while sipping on cocktails. Aww how sweet. But their broment is cut short when Sam sees the camera… #NotAlone
We cross over to the beach cam to find Sam and Luke strolling along holding each other's hand while sipping on cocktails. Aww how sweet. But their broment is cut short when Sam sees the camera… #NotAlone
Date card you say? Yes, you heard right and this date card belongs to Elora because production are doing their jobs right. Everyone cheers for her, except Simone. Elora asks Apollo immediately and he says yes to the date. Simone stews silently and with as little facial reaction as possible. She's so angry that you can see her visibly turning red. She's angry AF. Sam puts a small bag of un-popped corn kernels under Simone's cushion in the hopes that the heat from her anger will cook them for him and Tara to enjoy while watching the Apollo love triangle drama unfold later from their Love Shack (#LoveShackSnack).
Babe, I think the popcorn's done. Are you ready to watch the drama unfold from our #LoveShack
Elora and Apollo's dinner date looked nice. Elora eagerly answered all of Apollo's questions the way she thinks he would want them to be answered which therefore makes them the perfect couple. Apollo makes a point of saying that he doesn't like drama, which Elora knows she's partaking in and she emotionally sinks in front of him. They head back to camp arm in arm and everyone cheers for them. Bit of a different reaction to Simone and Apollo heading back into camp yesterday and I think I can actually see steam coming out of Simone's ears and nostrils. She pretends so hard to be cool about Apollo and Elora coming back but it's clear that she's moments from unleashing "Psycho Sim" (as she puts it). Apollo felt bad about having to go on a date with Elora and comes over to ask if she's ok, because he’s just so lovely. Simone begins laughing at anything he says. Anything. Oh stop.
Back to my Megan / Jake confusion... Megan is freaked out by the mere idea of not waking up next to or being with Jake, but at the same time admits that she's got a connection with Hercules. Keira suggests Megan go on a date with Hercules to just get to know him. But before Megan even begins forming the sentence to answer her, Hercules has walked over (much to Jake's jealousy) to ask her on said date. Is he psychic? Maybe not. She does say no and he's deflated because he knows they have chemistry and that she's lying to herself.
Back to my Megan / Jake confusion... Megan is freaked out by the mere idea of not waking up next to or being with Jake, but at the same time admits that she's got a connection with Hercules. Keira suggests Megan go on a date with Hercules to just get to know him. But before Megan even begins forming the sentence to answer her, Hercules has walked over (much to Jake's jealousy) to ask her on said date. Is he psychic? Maybe not. She does say no and he's deflated because he knows they have chemistry and that she's lying to herself.
#Chemistry
Poor Hercules. 3 girls decline his date request and he's now all on his Pat Malone. There are literally 3 cameras capturing every angle of the isolation he’s feeling right now. Jarrod feels awful for him and decides to take Hercules out on a date with himself, Apollo and Sam. Jarrod's such an idea's man. So the best broment of the series begins: The 4 guys walk down the beach like there's some Backstreet Boys playing softly in the background, and arrive at their date destination. Is it some hammocks and beers? No. It’s a bathtub filled with coconut milk. I can already feel that this is going to be the best Bachelor Bath Tub Broment in all Bachelor/ette history. And. It. Is. I can’t help but tip my hat to the producer who thought up the idea of getting Hercules and Megan in a milk tub together. That’s a genius move right there, and one we will sadly never see.
Jarrod throws them all into the milk bath and begins rubbing Pure Fiji sugar scrub, coconut oil and coconut moisturiser on the guys. Sam's bants have kicked up a few levels and we are loving it! "I dropped the soooooaaaap." They all relax in the milk tub drinking coconut daiquiri’s and don’t even care about tonight’s Rose Ceremony. Sam’s glad they’ve all had a pamper because he’ll probably get 2 roses from the Pure Fiji product glow he’s got along with the piece of orange he has behind his ear. This 4 man tub is the best thing to happen to Paradise! #ThankYou #SamsBants #DropTheSoap #ManSpa #4InATub #MilkManBath #Broment #BetterThanTheChocolateBath
Jarrod throws them all into the milk bath and begins rubbing Pure Fiji sugar scrub, coconut oil and coconut moisturiser on the guys. Sam's bants have kicked up a few levels and we are loving it! "I dropped the soooooaaaap." They all relax in the milk tub drinking coconut daiquiri’s and don’t even care about tonight’s Rose Ceremony. Sam’s glad they’ve all had a pamper because he’ll probably get 2 roses from the Pure Fiji product glow he’s got along with the piece of orange he has behind his ear. This 4 man tub is the best thing to happen to Paradise! #ThankYou #SamsBants #DropTheSoap #ManSpa #4InATub #MilkManBath #Broment #BetterThanTheChocolateBath
Aaah we're back with the girls (minus Simone again) who are strategising again. Elora and Ali then tell them about the (fake) letter that Elora received from American Jared. She's chuffed because it's come from his heart and he could be a possible love interest that she may not have seen. Besides if she can't give her rose to Apollo she will happily give it to American Jared. What will Leah think about that? Where is Leah btw? We haven't seen much of her lately. Please don't tell me she left the island too. Oh no, she's still there. Phew!
Everyone is ready for the impending rose ceremony and head to the bar for a few cocktails. Apollo takes Elora off to one side to see if she's ok, given that he went on a date with Simone first and well, you know... Apollo doesn't like drama (can’t wait for Simone to explode and Apollo to run). Elora tells him she's fine but we all know she's just taken another hit.
Everyone is ready for the impending rose ceremony and head to the bar for a few cocktails. Apollo takes Elora off to one side to see if she's ok, given that he went on a date with Simone first and well, you know... Apollo doesn't like drama (can’t wait for Simone to explode and Apollo to run). Elora tells him she's fine but we all know she's just taken another hit.
Ali tells American Jared that she thinks his love note to Elora is so sweet. Silence. Jared gives either the best resting moron face I've ever seen or has no idea wtf Ali is talking about. Turns out he's actually got no idea what she's talking about. So who wrote the letter? Speculation runs rife and before Ali, Grant and Jared know what's hit them, they've walked over to the group to investigate and hear that everyone else is talking about the same fake letter. Fingers are being pointed all around the group - and as much as I was truly hoping that Simone did it - it turns out the culprit is Eden. WTF bro?! First you turn your date with Elora into a food fight, and now you're writing her fake love notes from someone who isn't even interested in her, and for what purpose? It's not funny. It's not a practical joke. It's really really mean.
 Wot?! Who did it then... |  Love Jared (American)... You sure it's not you bro? #EdenStitchUp |
Megan can't handle seeing Elora not know that Eden has played a practical joke on her. So she takes her for a poolside chat and explains. Elora is in tears because she now thinks the whole group are trying to make fun of her and ruin her chance at finding love. Eden wasn't expecting her to be so upset. But was he really expecting her to laugh? He walks over to show her that he's firmly put his foot in his mouth. Fake love notes are so high school. Seeing Elora so upset, Eden walks himself to the bar immediately and orders everything (#LastDrinksAnyone).
#SelfStitchUp
Osher is back and the Rose Ceremony begins. Simone is the first to choose and she gives her rose to Apollo (duh). Leah gives her rose to American Jared. Tara gives her rose to her husband Sam. Next up is Ali, who gives her rose to Grant, which I think now makes them #TeamAliG. Keira enthusiastically gives her rose to an ebullient Jarrod. Oh how I love their love! Megan gives her rose to Jake and I still don't get it. There's something about Jake that bugs me... Of course Elora is the last to choose who to give her rose to. Will it be bad practical joker Eden or Herculean Tom? Who is giving Megan all kinds of sexy eyes right now. She chooses Eden, because she's a bigger person than anyone is giving her credit for. Hercules doesn't get a rose and has to leave. He hugs everyone except Megan, who he longingly looks over to because he was clearly hoping that she would have walked over and professed her undying love for a total stranger.
Up Next: New girls, another love square in the fight to win Apollo's heart, someone arrives (again?) in Paradise that ruffles Jake's feathers to the point where he's refusing to listen or talk to Megan and storms off like a child... Could it be Flo? Or Davey? Who could upset Jake that much? I cannot wait to find out.
#Broment #LoveShackSnacks #ThankYou #SamsBants #DropTheSoap #ManSpa #4InATub #MilkManBath #Broment #BetterThanTheChocolateBath #LastDrinksAnyone #Team Jeira #TeamAliG #BachelorInParadiseAU
Up Next: New girls, another love square in the fight to win Apollo's heart, someone arrives (again?) in Paradise that ruffles Jake's feathers to the point where he's refusing to listen or talk to Megan and storms off like a child... Could it be Flo? Or Davey? Who could upset Jake that much? I cannot wait to find out.
#Broment #LoveShackSnacks #ThankYou #SamsBants #DropTheSoap #ManSpa #4InATub #MilkManBath #Broment #BetterThanTheChocolateBath #LastDrinksAnyone #Team Jeira #TeamAliG #BachelorInParadiseAU
PS. Since Channel 10 are throwing in their beefiest overseas gents into the Aussie mix... Who else thinks throwing Chad into Paradise would be incredibly entertaining? #TheChad